Welcome to People that Cannot Make Decisions Anonymous. My name is Kerra and I will be leading everyone through the process of making more decisions.

Everyone: Hi Kerra.

All right…I see we have some new members so let’s start with what tonight’s meeting is all about and then we shall get to know everyone. Okay, so PCMDA was created for people that sometimes have trouble making decisions and have just broke the habit and made a decision. First off congrats on doing so! Group clapping, smiling, and looking longingly inward. Now, for those of you who have been to Alcoholics Anonymous, we operate very similarly. We work together as a support group and everything is confidential when it needs to be. I encourage you to meet with each other outside here because we have people here who have made amazing progress and can be a big help. What we learn here is that making the wrong decision is not always a bad thing and it is something that we can move on from and learn from. The idea is to just challenge yourself by picking something and making the best of it. Looks extremely stern after being giddy. We do not encourage or support decisions that can be physically harmful to anyone or anything!!! Sighs. We have to say that because some of our former, now AA and 12-step program, members didn’t understand that. Kerra’s turn to look inward. Now let’s meet everyone and share the decisions that we have made or need to help make. Everyone please listen and be helpful. Let’s start with those on my left.

Stands with hat in hand and proceeds to turn it, a lot. Hi, I’m Joe Pats.

Everyone: Hi Joe.

Hi. Extremely jumpy. I have been a member of P..C..M..D..A.. now for two years and need help making a decision.

Kerra: Okay Joe we are here to help. Go ahead.

O..k..a..y…um…My wife wants to have more gulps children but I want to change jobs. You see I can’t decide which to react to because having more kids means I need to stay where I’m at but I hate it there. I can’t sleep while on the job, I get everyone in trouble, and the pay is bad. I really want to be a politician, I like what new policies are coming out now about drilling for oil in the wilderness. I don’t like trees can ya tell? Laughs then coughs when he sees no one is joining him. My wife though wants to have more kids, so we can go to the park more sarcasm.

Kerra: Well, Joe, I see that that is a hard decision but not one that we can help you make without your wife. This is one problem that you need to speak to your wife about.

Everyone: Yea she needs to know. Remember there is no wrong decision.

Okay but we have nine kids already.

Kerra: Then invite your wife to the next meeting. We can discuss with everyone then together. (Thinks: I think these people need Plan Parenthood instead.) Thank you Joe. Who’s next?

Hi, I’m Maddie Commins. Extremely giddy, pouncy, southern, and loud.

Everyone: Hi Maddie.

Hi y’all. Okay this is only my tenth meeting and I need help deciding how to speed my lottery money. Ya see I want to climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow…

Kerra: That’s nice Maddie but what do you need help with? Everyone now has the song stuck in their heads’.

Oh right, sorry y’all. I need adventure but cannot for the life of me decide where to go with all the money the nice people down at the lottery center gave me.

Some Random Dude: Give me the money!

Ya see I’d like ta, but that’s not possible. Clicks tongue and cheek like urging on a horse. I need to get away see the mountains (Everyone thinks: Please don’t sing, please!!), ride every ride, help the poor of the world. But where do I start?

The Random Dude Again yelling: You start right here lady!!!!!!!

Kerra smirks and glares at the dude: Well Maddie here’s a suggestion get a hat…

Can it be a Cowgirl one? Looks excited.

Kerra: Sure it’s your choice. Now in this hat put everything and every place you can think of and draw one out and that’s where you can start.

But that means trying to choose how many to put in. Naw I don’t like that idea anyone else?

Old White Guy: Go to h…

Kerra: Max you’re suppose to be next door at your tourette’s meeting.

Old Cussing White Guy: Well what the f…do you want to do about it? This 12-stepper can’t make a f…decision at least I made one to come here instead. H…F…S…S…oops I forget me f..meds.

Kerra: Max!

Smelly Old Cussing White Guy: Alright Kerra I’m leaving J..C.. Stomps out.

Kerra: Let’s move on shall we. Heavy deep sigh.

Hi I’m Katie O’Connor.

Everyone: Hi Katie.

Oh my. Um this is my first meeting. Laughter from the back that has some snorting. Okay then. Pointedly says I can’t decide where to go to college. I have cried for almost two days straight, more laughter hey I’m not kidding. (Thinks: Okay Kerra chooses to shut up now?!) American University is far from home and beautiful but expensive. I have dreamed of going there for months. Ohio State is down the friggen street with a really cool program and is cheaper but it was my fall back school. I really truly have no clue how I feel about either one, I need help.

Kerra: Wow. This is a new one. I don’t know what to tell you.

Motherly Looking Lady: How big is your comfort zone? Are you ready to go that far away? Like Kerra keeps preaching, there is no wrong decision and you can always transfer without any problems.

I know, but I really didn’t want to transfer. I want to make the right choice now. It’s funny that I’m having this much trouble because I didn’t even want to apply to OSU in the first place until I heard about their International Affairs Scholars Program. Now about my comfort zone, it’s about the size of that fish bowl over there pointing and I have a really hard time with change.

Motherly Glowing Lady: Then think about that. Are you ready to leave? Now I know my colleges because my kids were in the same position, different schools, same hard choice.

Kerra: I think deep down you’ve already made your choice.

Joe: You’re a smarty aren’t you? Education is important and I’m glad you weren’t left behind.

Katie with puzzled look: Since I was little I feel like I have grown up in OSU’s shadow but I have always pictured myself being a buckeye because it seemed like this amazing place. I want to go somewhere where I feel like I belong and am challenged and am special. At American that would be hard to do and at OSU I think I would feel like I belong more.

Random Dude: Can I have your football tickets?

No because I will be the one using them!

Kerra: You made a decision?

Yea…I am going to be in the Class of 2010 from The Ohio State University!!!!

Kerra: Congratulations! I know you will be fine there! I’m sorry but we have run out of time for tonight. I hope to see everyone next week. That’s it.

Around Katie forms a group.

My that was short and quick but one of the first and hardest decisions of my life. I feel better now. It’s done I am going to OSU!

Maddie: You knew you would end up there the whole time didn’t you?

Yea, is that bad?

Joe: I heard they have bad people there. But everyone one of my kids are going there!!!

Random Dude: Can I have your football tickets?

Yea I pay $29 for 1 ticket you can have it for one quarter’s tuition.

Glowing Lady: You see chicky He does help.

Who?

Everyone leaves with Maddie leading the group in a drunk version of Carmen Ohio.